Tired of pesky racism in America? Surprised those civil rights laws did so little to change the wretched attitude of some bigoted folks in America? So am I. Clearly, with race crimes on the rise in many parts of the country, you want to find a way out of this unsettling mess.

It seems like it was only yesterday when James Byrd was brutally lynched in Jasper, Texas. Confederate flags still fly in the South, and, to this day, African Americans are unwelcome in many lilywhite neighborhoods in the North.

Moreover, black America is about to confront a serious threat from the growing number of racist military training camps in America's whites-only, North West. Are you concerned? Well, so am I. But don't worry; I have a solution that you can't refuse.

A Quartet of concerned city-leaders from Jasper, TX, Howard Beach, NY, Phoenix, AZ, and Washington, DC gathered to formulate a plan that is sure to end your infuriating predicament, and finally bring peace between blacks and whites once and for all. Here's the plan:

First off, you need protection from militant racist organizations such as the White Aryan Nations and Aryan Resistance. These violent groups are an impediment to the peace process. That's where David Duke comes in. He is your new partner for peace. Don't worry about his years as the flamboyant Grand Wizard of the KKK. The Quartet concluded that in his heart of hearts, Duke is just a frustrated moderate, seeking self-determination for white America. After all, he is the author of a number of widely-read books, and was nearly elected governor of the state of Louisiana.

Although Duke is unwilling to disarm racist skin heads, Duke is negotiating a three-month hudna on your behalf with Tom Metzger, founder of the White Aryan Nations. What's a hudna? A hudna is a cease-lynching, and if he succeeds in these tedious negotiations, who knows? Metzger might even extend the hudna to six months! Before you get all excited, I have more good news.

As you know, there is an underlying cause for the long history of bigotry in America. Millions of white Americans are yearning for a sovereign, contiguous, colorless state in the Pacific North West. While there are many areas in states like Idaho and Washington that are virtually black-free, African Americans settled in large cities like Seattle and Boise. These settlements are an impediment to peace. They must be uprooted, and their black populations transferred elsewhere. The specifics and the timetable for the population transfer are laid out clearly in the Road Map for peace.

Incidentally, as a result of a past squabble between the KKK and the White Aryan Nations, we need to do some serious confidence-building for David Duke. Apparently, David and Tom had this big brouhaha when both of them took credit for some Black church burning in Mississippi. Nothing to worry about now; the church was rebuilt with a state of the art sprinkler system.

Although this skirmish happened years ago, apparently, it left some bad blood between the KKK and White Aryan Nations. How do we build trust for Duke? Simple. More than 100,000 prisoners incarcerated for committing hate crimes will be set free immediately as a sign of good will. Remember, these skin heads have families and friends who have been waiting in their trailer parks for word of a possible release of their tattooed loved ones. Although a prisoner release is not specifically spelled out in the Road Map, there can be little doubt that such a gesture would give Duke the kind of boost he needs as he continues to negotiate with other Aryan organizations.

One other thing; Black people cannot make any changes to the Road Map; we will listen to your suggestions and then ignore every one of them. African Americans are going to have to make some painful concessions along the way, but in the long run it's the only path to peace and my guaranteed reelection by white America.